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THE LATEST TEASER GOSSIP!!

NEW!! EMAIL LIST!!

LATEST TEASER GOSSIP!!!!

Except that me, Jimmy Brad in person, is tellin’ you what’s what, so it’s not technically gossip. But, you have a big mouth and you’re gonna tell everybody anyway, so I guess it’ll eventually BE gossip. So try to make me look good, OK?

AWRIGHT, the big, BIG announcement is the addition of a new bass player AND a new guitar player. The lovely LOUSINDA TEASER has taken over on the bass, and on the boots and leather and fishnets and all those sorts of sexy things. She’s got a cool Beatle Bass, and all the sultry skills and attitude that it takes to be a Bass Playin’ Teaser. Get ready to be smitten, trust me. AND, while we were at it, we added TERRIBLE TIM RILEY on guitar, which is great for me ‘cause I can fall down, flirt, run for a quick one at the bar, whatever, and Terrible Tim has me more than covered, not to mention the glorious guitar concoction that occurs when we’re both playing. So you should also get ready for cheap ‘n trashy guitar in Electronically Enhanced Living Stereo. So right on, you heard it here officially: JIMMY AND THE TEASERS ARE CO-ED.

We played our first show with this line-up New Year’s Eve, we’ll post some pictures here soon, and we’ll do some work on the page to get it more up to date with all kinds of new pics soon. Stay close, warm weather is getting closer and we’ll be getting in the new Teaser Van to cause trouble on a semi-national scale. For a tour diary about New Year’s Eve and Elvisfest and other Jimmy Brad ramblings, check out
www.myspace.com/jimmyandtheteasers You’ll have to join, but what’s one more creepy little cult to a deviant individual like yourself? Awright, as my man Dr. Thompson used to say: MAHALO

PAST NEWS!!

Hiya and welcome to the Jimmy and the Teasers website!
We have a band, and so we MUST have a website, it's a fuckin' rule or somethin'. So I'm your host, Jimmy. You're probably asking yourself "Will I have fun here?". I understand totally, I ask myself that everywhere I go. Usually the answer is "HELL no". BUT, the Teasers, SuperVal, C-Bomb and myself hope to make this website a shiny spot in your otherwise rust-bucket life.

However, how much you enjoy this site will depend on how much you enjoy your trashy rock 'n roll mixed with these four things:

CARS. What's Rock 'n Roll without cars? Cool cars, I mean, not your fuckin' Honda. A car you enjoy driving at unsafe speeds. Hell, a car you just enjoy SITTING in. We here at the Teaser Ranch (our homebase) encourage the reckless pursuit of cool cars, even if you can't afford them and don't know anything about them. Mini Vans? Gas mileage? Seat belts? FUCK THAT. This is Rock 'n Roll: There are songs about cars, you listen to rock inside of cars, you drive cars to see the big rock show, you choose not to drive them home AFTER the big rock show for fear of messin' up your carpet, and on and on. Your CAR should be a major money pit in your life in order to be cool. ALSO, in Teaser Land, Vans are VERY swank as well.

BARS. We live in bars. And we LIKE it in there. Bars are where they keep the DRINKS. Not a pretty bar with the fuckin' Duke game on the TV in the corner. Dirty bars that leave you with bizarre black stuff under your fingernails like you just changed the oil in your Gremlin, that's where it's at. These bars are for the express purpose of the big rock show, which is what we came here to do in the first place. You may also find (and enjoy) us in other kinds of bars: Bars that serve Mexican food, bars that serve the band free food of any kind, bars in Lima, Ohio where we don't really belong but somehow got booked into, bars with arcade driving games where we can drink beer and drive without being dangerous to anyone other than ourselves, and, quite possibly our favorite, strip bars which brings us to...

CHICKS. Everyone knows that Jimmy LOVES women. A LOT. Too much. The more evil, badass and dangerous, the better. It was with this in mind that this band was formed (see SuperVal and C-Bomb ). Put yourself in my shoes: I want to have a band, right? But bands can be a real unpleasant pain in the ass. Bands drive around the country in cramped vans, bands sleep on people's floors, they sleep 3in a hotel room made for one (when you're lucky), bands eat together, bitch together, get broke together, blah blah blah, you get the picture. Now, what could make this tolerable? Chicks! REALLY hot chicks. Cramped van? No problem, they smell good! 3 in a hotel room for 1? HELL YEAH! Dressing rooms? Wait, NO DRESSING ROOMS??? HELL FUCKIN' YEAH! With chicks, the bad things turn into good things. People say I'm lucky, but Jimmy and the Teasers is not luck, but rather a well executed plan by yours truly. Of course, I came up with this fantastic plan because I like:

GUITARS. Jimmy LOVES guitars. I dunno why I like guitars so much. I'd rather buy a guitar than play one anyday. I officially have TOO MANY guitars. But they're mine, and you can't have them, even if I'm eventually going to break them (which happens A LOT). The difference between me and other "guitar players" is that I like CHEAP guitars. Really cheap. Most of my guitars were sold in department stores in the sixties, like Sears or Montgomery Ward's. So that's my excuse for having stacks of them: they're old and cheap, so I may need spares. Oh, and sometimes I fall on them. Or throw them. Or get beer in them. Actually, that seems to help them. And I like amps too, but the beer doesn't help them so much. I also like drums. And the occasional organ, and maybe one banjo.... But ANYWAY:


SO NOW IT'S UP TO YOU. How do you feel about these IMPORTANT issues. How do these four categories affect your day to day life? Have you been involved in any of these things TODAY? Do you LIKE any of these four things? Do you DIG ALL FOUR things? How 'bout ALL FOUR THINGS AT ONCE? If you answer "Hell Yeah, Lemme have it Jimmy BABY" then you're SCREWED. Because you are gonna LOVE you some Jimmy and the Teasers, and you're also hittin' the booze a little hard, and you may be slightly perverted, and they took away your driver's license.... But hey, in Teaser Land, THAT'S COOL. Imagine: chicks, in bars, with guitars (and drums) playing songs about cars driving to bars to meet chicks... see how WELL this works?? It's so simple I'm amazed at my own genius sometimes. BUT BEWARE, trashy people, of too much of a good thing. Jimmy and the Teasers may leave you tired, hungover, smelly, soaking wet, confused, bloody, sexually frustrated, broke and lost in Atlanta at 4 a.m. after finishing off a sack of Krystal burgers 'cause you wandered out of the Claremont and... NEVERMIND. Enter at your own risk. If you're sleazy enough, we may let you stick around.

jb

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